yeah, write

July 10/23 “On Love ft. Nana & Baba”

A romantic story + A challenging relationship:

Love is sacrifice – but it’s inferred. They don’t tell you about giving up inside of love but they tell you upfront about Patience, Kindness, Endurance. These can be exhibited while still retaining your Self. But sacrifice: that is a demand totally fulfilled.

There is a video I recorded of my grandparents. They grew up in the Boro together – since 6, I think – and lived in Charleston, getting together at 25. From there, they moved to The Bronx, had their fights, had my mother, had their adventures, had their challenges. My grandmother ended up moving back to her family’s town of Edisto. She was a traveler. She was sassy, yet demure. My grandfather served in Korea. He was a spitfire; he had this unignorable presence. They matched wits, and probably fists and weapons too.

In this video, it is the year 2018 and the week of their anniversary. Both of my grandparents were born in 1937, he October 27th, and she November 21st. He was a Scorpio through and through: charming, emotional, full of energy, commanding. She would give a slick smile and toss out a, “I’m on the cusp,” with a look that implied it made her more special than us firmly within the range of our placement. Therefore, she was definitely a Scorpio too, with a dash of the adventurous spirit of Sagittarius. They were two sides of the same coin.

They are dancing – or rather, he nearly drags her out of her coat while she obliges him, albeit bewilderingly – to a patchwork song he scream-sings. Slapping his leg, he cues up with an “Okay, look here!” Suddenly, his arms are raised and his hips rock side-to-side, then he envelops my grandmother. She’s never one to be outdone though and catches on to the beat of his drum. He moves high while she dances down low and suddenly, they’re twirling and patting each other’s behinds. I think once you’re together long enough, your bodily rhythms automatically sync. Like biological Bluetooth.

“I don’t want no big mess, I want a little of the rest!” Lyrics that only make sense to him, likely samples of the styling of the infallible James Brown, but somehow, she knows every word and she’s wrapping his arms around her for their big finish. We applaud and cheer; the orderlies will probably come around to “just check in, sounds like you all are having a party” us again soon but this time, moments like this are the moments that you kind of already know will be your last one of it.

It would be the last time we are together, with him in good spirits and as sound a mind as possible. The last time that he can stand unassisted, never mind dance or enunciate or slap his leg. He becomes a patient with a high risk of falling 8 months later. He becomes incoherent. He becomes quiet. He was never quiet.

A few years prior, there was another last. After growing bouts of aggressive, dangerous, threatening behavior, she had to remove him from the house and put him into hospice care. She visited regularly and maybe he began to forget those incidents or it wasn’t always clear what was going on but at the end of the video he knows her. There he stands with his hands in his pockets and he looks at her shyly; it’s the exposing of a crush. He knows love, he knows her. They might have been one of those always-has-been-always-will-be kind of couples.

Love is sacrifice. She was probably exhausted and certainly sad. But she took those last moments with him.

May 13/23 I dedicate myself to community. Having community is the only way and reason I am where I am and I am who I am now. Nothing I have done has been accomplished totally alone, and I reject the idea that I have to do anything without help or someone else’s expertise. I am fascinated with the idea that we can alter “norms” and that people do, and thrive. I show up and do my best, and my community carries my further. When you are providing what someone seeks, they will come to find it. At this time, I define:

community – a group that intentionally does any of the following together, in any combination: live, work, study, explore, learn, play, worship, celebrate, do, create, fellowship, love